“We’d rather understand shy people than change them. There is nothing wrong with being a shy individual. The problem with shyness is not understanding it and letting it control you, instead of you controlling your shyness. I want to help shy people to understand and control their shyness instead of their shyness controlling them.” —Bernardo Carducci, IU Southeast Shyness Research Institute

On Halloween, one of my eight-year-old sons went trick-or-treating as Elvis, in the glitziest satin jumpsuit I could fashion. His identical twin brother, dressed in rags as an Old World peddler, begged for candy. One is flamboyant and extroverted, the other meek and self-effacing. Why? As their mother, I have no idea, but Bernardo Carducci and researchers at the Shyness Research Institute (SRI) at IU Southeast might.

Since 1997, the SRI has sought to understand the pains and problems of shyness, but, alas, does not market a cure for it. Carducci, the SRI’s director and professor of psychology at IU Southeast, has been quoted as saying, “We’d rather understand shy people than change them. There is nothing wrong with being a shy individual. The problem with shyness is not understanding it and letting it control you, instead of you controlling your shyness. I want to help shy people to understand and control their shyness instead of their shyness controlling them.” Carducci and the associates at the SRI receive thousands of responses via postal mail, E-mails, faxes and phone calls from shy individuals of all ages from all over the world. By carefully analyzing these many responses, those at the SRI hope to aid those who are shy in understanding the dynamics of their shyness.

Carducci started studying shyness more than 30 years ago, when he was a graduate student. The author of three popular books on the subject, which have been translated into six different languages, he is currently working on a new book, The Shyness Workbook: 30 Days to Effectively Dealing with Your Shyness, which will be published next year by Research Press. The book will be geared toward adults, but he plans to do follow-up workbooks for teens and parents of smaller children. Publisher’s Weekly praised Carducci’s last book, The Shyness Breakthrough: A Stress-Free Plan to Help Your Shy Child Warm Up, Open Up, and Join the Fun (2003, Rodale), for “its compassionate tone and …underlying message that shyness is a natural, manageable trait that requires patience and understanding rather than a flaw that needs a quick remedy.”

Carducci’s compassion was borne out of personal experience. Shy as a teenager, he learned first-hand the painful situations a shy person confronts on a daily basis and developed one tried-and-true strategy—service in semi-structured social situations. “I believe that the solution to shyness is in the heart—the more one focuses on others, the less focus there is on one’s self, and shy individuals tend to be very self-conscious. Volunteering addresses issues that are fundamental to shyness, such as excessive self-awareness and negative self-preoccupation,” he said. “Scripted social situations, such as working behind the counter in a fast-food restaurant, or volunteering at a hospital, community agency or animal shelter with other volunteers, can also provide the shy person with the opportunity to interact with minimum risk. Working at McDonald’s when I was in high school was a major break-through for me.”

Researchers at the SRI are unpaid, student volunteers, many of whom are in Carducci’s classes. “I am very proud of the fact that these are undergraduates who are doing research and getting a terrific educational experience. They are involved in the whole process, and frequently their hard work results in a publication or giving presentations at professional meetings,” he noted. “And you should see their faces beam when they see their name in print for the first time. The Shyness Research Institute is a win-win situation for the university, the students, and, most importantly, for shy individuals of all ages and around the world.”

Current research at the SRI includes looking at shy teens and their coping strategies, shyness across cultures and the “cynically shy.”

“Cynically shy teens want to be socially accepted but have experienced rejection. Their rejection turns to anger. This fits the profile of the kids who become the school shooters,” said Carducci. “We want to find out who these kids are and how we can help them.”

The Shyness Research Institute is always interested in acquiring new data. Carducci even customized a shyness quiz for IU Home Pagesreaders.

Take the quiz below, don’t be shy.

Summaries of the SRI’s recent research are available online:

http://homepages.ius.edu/Special/Shyness/

Anxiety is your friend! Oh, really? Four years ago, IU Home Pages taped a conversation between Bernardo Carducci and Kathleen Gilbert, associate professor of applied health science at IU Bloomington, in which they discussed shyness, the art of “small talk” and coping skills for that demanding social circuit called “the holidays.” To listen, go to: http://www.homepages.indiana.edu/120800/text/conversations.html

How shy are you?

Take the Shyness Quiz to find out.

1. How often do you experience feelings of shyness?

1. Once a month or less
2. Nearly every other day
3. Constantly, several times a day

2. Compared with your peers, how shy are you?

1. Much less shy
2. About as shy
3. Much more shy

3. “Shyness makes me feel symptoms such as a racing heart and sweaty palms.”

This descriptions is:

1. Not like me
2. Somewhat like me
3. A lot like me

4. “Shyness makes me think others are reacting negatively to what I do and say.” This description is:

1. Not like me
2. Somewhat like me
3. A lot like me

5. “Shyness keeps me from behaving appropriately in social settings—for example, introducing myself or making conversation.” This description is:

1. Not like me
2. Somewhat like me
3. A lot like me

6. “Shyness appears when I’m interacting with someone to whom I’m attracted.” This description is:

1. Not like me
2. Somewhat like me
3. A lot like me

7. “Shyness appears when I’m interacting with someone in a position of authority” (such as supervisors at work, professors, experts in their field). This description is:

1. Not like me
2. Somewhat like me
3. A lot like me

Scoring the Shyness Quiz: Add together the numbers that correspond to your responses to each of the seven items in the Shyness Quiz.

7-11: Not at all to slightly shy: Shyness does not seem to be much of a problem for you. Congratulations!
12-16: Moderately shy: Shyness seems to be a frequent barrier in your life.
17-21: Very Shy: Shyness is preventing you from reaching your full potential in life.

Tell us more

To participate in Carducci’s on-going research on shyness, tell us more about your shyness. Feel free to use additional sheets to answer these items:

Describe what factors you believe have contributed to your shyness.
Describe how your shyness is expressed.
Describe what problems your shyness has created for you in your personal, social, and/or professional life.
Describe what you have tried to do to overcome your shyness.
What about your shyness would you like to know more about?
What else would you like to say about your shyness?

For research purposes, please include the following information:

Age:
Date of Birth:
Occupation;
Ethnic identification:
Education:
Marital Status:

Send your Shyness Quiz and extended responses to:

Bernardo Carducci, Director
Shyness Research Institute
Indiana University Southeast
New Albany, IN 47150

E-mail responses to: bcarducc@ius.indiana.edu

ALL RESPONSES WILL BE KEPT CONFIDENTIAL